Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Check up

It’s been awhile since I had my blogging break for mental health reasons, and at the time I honestly was blown away by how many of you got in touch privately to say you shared the same troubles from time to time and to offer kind words. You’re all gems and at a time when I felt alone it really gave me strength to know that I definitely wasn’t.
So, where am I at these days? Well, doing better. I have more energy, I engage better with my life, and generally feel more positive about my future. I wouldn’t say I’m 100% though. I still have days where anxiety troubles me. I still have days where I have to listen to myself if my brain is screaming, ‘Just let me lay down and give up!’ and I still struggle some days to keep myself from having a little no-reason cry. But then others, others are great, and I have get up and go and I really laugh, and want to see people and do things. Majorly, I’m writing for enjoyment again and redecorating and absolutely loving it. And those are the days I focus on. Those are what the fight have been for.
Working out a plan to get back from the deep dark shadow hole has been a bit trial and error. Medication, a psych, pilates, regular sleeping hours, plus nanna naps, giving myself permission to not do things and being kinder to myself intentionally have all helped. Saying no has been something that’s really revolutionized my thinking. I can’t please everyone, I can’t do everything, so, no. That no is the most powerful thing I’ve done, and it doesn’t make me a bad person or friend or relation, it just means I’m prioritizing my health and needs and it’s liberating; and no one, shock horror, thinks worse of me for it. Ironically I have more to give now when I give it. 
One of the most powerful things I have done for myself is face the situations that made me sick, and acknowledge the things that make it better and just keep swimming that way. So everyone, keep on swimming, the sun always shines again. 

Love WTP x

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